Welcome to the Ark
by outerelf
Summary: The real reson why Red Alert got on the Ark was because of the lambo twins... oneshot kinda


Ok, completely unconnected to any of my other stories, and I think that this is a very... Well, I'll let you tell me how you like it.

SsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsS

Red Alert sighed tiredly as he attempted to sort out the mess made of a camera. The twins had once again destroyed it, making the third in the past five orns. He wondered if he would be able to fix it.

The camera was in a sad state. It's wires looked as if they had been melted together, and then someone had attempted to pull them apart only to remelt them.

He gave up after the first three breems, deciding to get a replacement for it. The twins appeared at that moment. "Oh hey, if it isn't Red Alert. What ever are you doing?" Sideswipe asked nastily.

Red Alert said nothing, carrying the camera as he went off towards the control room. Sunstreaker stepped in front of him. "Sunstreaker, move." Red Alert said tiredly, attempting to step around the taller mech.

"My brother asked you a question."

"If either of you two had CPU's, you'd be able to see it for yourselves." Red Alert snarled back. "We're going to be having an inspection here in about two orns, and you two are still blowing up cameras. Are you two really looking to have me sent off to another base? I've worked too hard to be sent off now."

"Why would they want to remove you anyways?" Sideswipe asked, curiosity getting the better of him. "I've seen your record-" Red Alert twitched. "And you've been to nearly thirty bases."

Red Alert shook his head, and finally got around Sunstreaker. "That's for me to know."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Red Alert bent to pick up yet another destroyed camera, burning. The stupid twins- a shadow fell over him as a mech came up behind. "Are you Red Alert, head of security for this base?"

Red Alert froze at the mocking tone, hands tightening on the camera. The twins froze at where they were hiding. "Winterwave. What are you-"

"Why, Red Alert, it _is_ you." Winterwave said sarcastically. "I never would of thought they would of let you into the army."

Red Alert began to stand up. Winterwave made a slight tutting noise. "Don't you remember? The ground was always better for those who have glitches."

The twins looked at each other. Red Alert, have a glitch? They hadn't known that. Red Alert snarled, "Shut up! It doesn't need to be broadcasted to the entire army-"

"No wonder you're in the back of beyond." Winterwave continued. "Your glitch was always a-"

He broke off with a scream as an enraged Red Alert threw himself at him. The twins watched stunned as Red Alert slammed a fist into Winterwave's face, shouting, "Don't you dare go any further then that."

Sunstreaker looked at Sideswipe, who gestured slightly. It would become very bad for Red Alert if he destroyed his superior, even if both would rather like to see it. Sunstreaker emerged from his hiding place, and easily picked Red Alert off of the screaming Winterwave.

Red Alerts foot slammed out, catching Sunstreaker's vulnerable knee. Sunstreaker yelped loudly, and dropped Red Alert, who quickly bounced to his feet, optics blazing. "Don't you _ever_ touch me." He hissed.

Sideswipe looked at the cursing Sunstreaker, and had to shrug. Red Alert had repeatedly told them not to, and he had just illustrated that point rather well. "I-I'll get you back Red Alert!" Winterwave screeched. "You won't ever be able to work anywhere respectable for the rest of your life!"

Red Alert stiffened, turning to look at Winterwave as he pointed at the twins. "You two saw! You saw him attacking me!"

Sideswipe looked at Sunstreaker as he said, "Oh really? We did? I didn't see any fighting. I though Red Alert was overloading a shrieking femme."

"That's what it sounded like."

Anger and embarrassment flashed in the mechs optics as Red Alert shrugged. "If you think that now, you should have heard him when we were in school together."

Winterwave climbed to his feet, recycling air loudly. The twins tensed as he looked about ready to throw himself on the smaller, much lighter Red Alert. Red Alert said softly, "Stay out of this."

Red Alert stepped up to look Winterwave directly in the optics, putting on his best glare. Winterwave backed up a step. "You've changed. Before in school you were just a sniveling glitch who was so twitchy-"

BAM! For the second time that day Red Alert threw a punch at Winterwave, anger burning his optics. "I was not sniveling. If you don't want to find yourself permanently off-lined, I suggest you shut up."

A large group of mechs turned the corner as Winterwave snapped back, "You're still a coward I see. You haven't told anyone about your glitch have you?"

_Aw crud._ Sunstreaker thought, watching as the group of mechs behind Red Alert froze. _Red Alert really is going to be sent back into the beyond now. There is no way anyone will be able to keep this quiet._

Red Alert seemed to recognize this also, for he slumped slightly, as his auditory receptors caught the murmuring behind him. Sideswipe looked at Winterwave, rage in his eyes.

While neither twin liked to admit it, they liked Red Alert, if simply as a good person to tease. His jumpy reactions, and even his ability to spot the pranks and manage to avoid them had fascinated Sideswipe since day one. Ever since then the twins were constantly trying to get the better of Red Alert, who usually managed to stay one step ahead of him.

Winterwave smirked, now that he finally had the upper hand. "Red Alert, you didn't tell did you? About your glitch."

"Winterwave, you have one click to shut up or I swear I will dissemble your tailpipe and shove it down your aft." Red Alert snapped back but he knew it was too late. Winterwave had a listening audience, and by the end of the day, no matter what he did, it would be circulating around the base.

Then others would hear it, and then… Red Alert shoved the thought away, optics sick at the thought of being kicked out and being forced into a glitch home.

He felt the twins tensing beside him, and he decided that he might as well get them out of the way before they got themselves into trouble. Winterwave smiled triumphantly as he finished. "You didn't. You didn't tell them about your paranoia glitch where you think that their out to get you. How you're liable to turn on them-"

Sunstreaker took a step foreword, but Red Alert was faster. The camera that had been lying on the ground was thrown into Winterwaves face as Red Alert shouted, "I wouldn't ever betray the army!"

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"Red Alert, due to your misconduct and inability to be a proper security mech, we have decided to transfer you to base A-7765."

Red Alert stiffened. All those sent to that base were sent to die. No one had survived more then two vorns on that base. "You will be leaving tonight."

"Yes sir." He saluted, turned and left the room.

0o0o0o0o0o0o

The twins passed by the security room, wondering if they should start on the newest prank. Inside they could hear soft, whispered cursing. Then, Red Alert stalked out of the room, a bag holding all of his personal possessions. Which wasn't a lot.

"Red Alert, are they moving you out?" Sunstreaker asked, half-joking, half serious.

Red Alert nodded, optics dark and almost scared. Sideswipe grinned as he leaned in close. Red Alert backed up, and the twin asked, "Where to?"

"You don't need to know. Now twins…" Red Alert hesitated, and then shrugged. "Congratulations. I've heard that you're supposed to go on the newly built Ark."

The twins gaped at Red Alert, who stood there. Red Alert managed a tiny smile, before adding, "Good luck. It's going to be tough working with Prime no doubt."

"Wait, Red Alert, how do you know-"

"Oh, I called in a favor of someone I know. They gave me a list of all those who Prime was considering on letting in."

"Oh-" The twins exchanged confused glances. "But still, how could they know?"

"They were working on Prowl and Primes office, when the two were discussing it. Normally they wouldn't say, but I had to ask, and they told."

"Who did you ask?" Sunstreaker asked.

Red Alert's smile grew into a smirk. "now that, I won't tell. You two have enough contacts as is-"

"Red Alert, get moving! The shuttle will be moving out in two breems."

Red Alert sighed, and dashed off, leaving the twins flabbergasted in the dust.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Prime hissed in frustration as yet another boom came down the hallway, and their _fifth_ security director began screaming. The twins strolled out from the area of destruction, chatting quietly. "Sunny, I'm so bored. These guys weren't half so good as Red Alert." Sideswipe complained, unaware that Prime was just around the corner, listening to every word. "That guy could catch us mid-prank!"

_Find Red Alert. Make he come aboard._ Prime thought instantly. He needed a break from the twins constant pranks. Jazz appeared at that moment, humming quietly. "Hey their! Destroy another camera?"

"Yep."

"How did the security mechs stand you?"

"They didn't. Only one came close." Sunstreaker said proudly.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"Red Alert?"

Prime nodded. "They said that Red Alert could catch them mid-prank."

"Hmmm. That might be a little hard Prime. He was assigned to base A-7765."

Prime started, hands clenching slightly. "Why? That's where only those who are embarrassments or supposed to die-"

"He has a glitch." Prowl said softly. "A very unusual one. A paranoia glitch."

Ratchet's head poked around the corner as he asked, "Someone say something about a glitch?"

"Yes, apparently the only security guard that has survived the twins was one that had a paranoia glitch. However, there are problems with his record. He has several large, blank areas in which there is no record of him."

Prowls warning was lost on Ratchet. "A glitch, paranoia huh? That's interesting. Go and fetch him. I'd like to see how he survives."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Sideswipe and Sunstreaker looked up lazily at Prowl, who stood menacingly above them. "You two are to accompany me to base A-7765."

"Why?"

"Because we are going to pick up a new security mech from there. I believe you know him. His name is Red Alert-"

He broke off by the sudden reaction from the twins. They both sat up straight, jaws dropping. "Red Alert, sent there? That can't be!"

"It's true. However, due to his record, we decided to pull him out. If he's still living."

Sunstreaker laughed at that. "No way a bunch of decepticons could ever catch HIM!"

0o0o0o0o0o0

Red Alert chivvied the last of the lagers into line. Someone very important was visiting, and many of the mechs on the base hoped that they might actually send more money to the base. It was a lost, forlorn hope, but Red Alert knew they needed the money desperately to pay to fix the base. He sighed, looking them over.

A lot of them had glitches like he did, and because there was no actual doctor, when they glitched, they died. They lost very few to decepticons, and even less since he had become security director.

The ship landed as Red Alert slipped off to the security booth. There was no one else he could trust to take over for him.

0o0o0o0o0o0

Sunstreaker and Sideswipe tumbled out of the ship, fighting to get the upper hand. Prowl disembarked after them, making more then one mech of the army to mutter in awe. The second in command, here? The leader stepped up smartly, the large dents still there from a fight nearly fifteen orns ago. "May we help you sir?"

"Yes. I was told that Red Alert was security director here."

The leader nodded, and turned. "Someone go fetch Red Alert."

About half of the mechs broke away, mumbling. They scattered in different directions and the leader sighed. "I'm sorry, but it'll probably be faster if we go there directly."

As they walked (twins still fighting in the courtyard) Prowl became slightly curious. "Why did so many break off?"

The leader shot Prowl a sideways glance, then shrugged slightly. "Unfortunately, most of these mechs are glitched. They can fight real well when they need to, but other then that, there isn't a proper doctor or medic to take care of our CPU's. So, we've been shoved back here in the hopes we'll glitch permanently and die. We had several who glitched just last month. We hope that some can pull through, but they've shut down into stasis lock. They probably won't last to see the next day."

Prowl nearly stopped dead at the casual tone. "And you haven't tried changing that?"

"Oh, I have. Nobody wants to waste a good doctor on us in the back of beyond however, and besides, my glitch is that I just can't care about anything. I can't care about living, or dieing, it's all the same to me." He shrugged again.

Prowl knew he had been called cold-sparked, but this was a different matter entirely. The general stopped in front of a door, and pointed. "In there is Red Alert. If you're lucky he might not attack thinking you're a decepticon."

"Why would he do something like that?"

"Only decepticons or glitches are here sir. And you certainly aren't a glitch."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Prowl would shoot Prime if he ever suggested traveling with the twins ever again. It had been bad enough trying to convince Red Alert that no, he wasn't a decepticon, and yes the offer to be security on the Ark was true. In fact, it had been the twins who had finally convinced Red Alert, making Prowl slightly disgruntled.

Clang! Prowls hands tightened on the datapad he was holding, when Red Alert suddenly appeared from the small cabin that he had been in. He shouted over the twins, "If you don't shut up now, I'll give Wildblaster a copy of you two placing the explosives under his recharge booth on the night of his first interfacing!"

Both twins cut off their noise and fighting with a snap. "You didn't catch that-" Sunstreaker said, staring at Red Alert, who nodded.

"I got it."

"Aw, crud." Sideswipe whispered.

Red Alert retreated back into his cabin, and Prowl, for the first time since hearing Red Alerts name, began to think that this might not be such a bad idea after all.

SsSsSsSsSsSsSsSs

I started this around 11, and finished around 8. That's just how bad it was to write this. But I did. And it's really long. o.0


End file.
